Women at the Well: How Infertility Opened my Eyes to the Joy of the Present Moment
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Steffani Aquila joining us to talk about her walk with Christ in the midst of infertility and how she seeks to be fruitful and filled with the gifts of the Holy Spirit in this time.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your vocation, and normal daily routine.
This season of life has been one of great adventure and hope. I am a wife of four years, immensely blessed and frequently refined by a vocation that teaches me daily to lay my life down for another. We haven’t been able to have children yet, so my husband and I have taken this time as a grace to be treasured while we have this unique opportunity to focus on growing in friendship and love for one another.
We make it a point each day to pray with and for one another, even if we don’t feel like it. This habit has brought many blessings to our marriage. We typically go on a fun date every other week, which is one of my favorite things. I really do enjoy being asked out on dates. And, in the midst of that, we seek to live out the traditions of our faith with one another and I must say, this has brought the most joy to our lives.
I work full time as the Director of Liturgical Life for the Co-Cathedral of the Sacred Heart where I share my love of the sacraments and traditions of the Church’s liturgical year with the greater community. This full-time job came as the fruit of my ministry, blog, and small business that I started called His Girl Sunday where I felt called to encourage individuals, families of all kinds, and communities to live a liturgical life.
After finding myself miserably emerging from my 20s, I realized that my life was meant for joy, a joy I found in the communal and lived tradition of the Church’s year. Partaking in days of feasting and fasting throughout the weeks with my family & community has really shown me the kind of life that God intends for us.
Right now, every day seems to hold something new, whether that be in my personal or professional life. If I’m being honest I didn’t always enjoy this, I like things to go my way like everybody else, but God has shown me in this season that I am not in control and that I can trust Him. I am actually starting to like the adventure of what might come next, and it has inspired in me a sense of hope in His plan.
If we look closely, we can see the hand of God weaving threads throughout the fabric of our lives. Where are you seeing God working in your current season of life?
Initially, a couple of short years ago, I was mourning our infertility and really felt like the vision I had for my life was shattered. It is such a humbling and helpless situation to be in. I felt I didn’t know what God was doing with me.
As the years progressed and children didn’t come, I began to see that God was using me to help establish a voice for the liturgical year that would be inviting for everyone. The immense amount of time that most mothers spend on their own children is now completely wide open. I prayed many times to be a mother to many, but spiritual mother to many was simply not what I had in mind. Yet God filled the lacking in my life with something I didn’t expect, and that is an invitation I get to extend to people in all seasons of life to experience the richness of a lifestyle of faith.
Most liturgical living resources available are intended either directly for children or families with children, but these resources are really supposed to be for everyone to partake in. God used my childlessness for good, to show other adults,through the example of my life and marriage, how they can also live liturgically.
As we come to know ourselves, we come to know God. What truths has the Lord been revealing to you in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your daily life?
Two truths have come to me lately that have really been significant in my life of faith.
The first is that God is faithful, even when I doubt that He is there or that He sees me at all, I know that His Sacred Heart is pouring out love and blessings for me. Some days I wonder, is this what God desires of me? Occasionally, I get overly anxious about this thing or another, and like a soothing balm I feel in my heart that I am okay. God is there, He is faithful, and He is not going to leave me in my journey.
The other thing that has resonated with me is that God cannot be outdone in generosity. Since starting my ministry and my online market this has been something that has come to mind time and time again. God has been so immensely giving to me, it is now my turn to share that with others. This impacts the way I serve my husband, the community I work for, and the followers & customers I come in contact with. I am inspired by God’s generosity to give to others in return and show them that someone cares.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15.
The Woman at the Well dropped everything in order to invite the people she had previously avoided to meet Jesus. How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life (or even in a small way)? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from encounters with Him?
Not too long ago I did the lay version of a daily Ignatian Retreat at home with the assistance of my spiritual director. The retreat left such a profound impression on my prayer life. I long to be back on that daily retreat. While the retreat may be over, it taught me just how much I needed daily time for God. It’s really easy working two jobs, volunteering, being a wife, etc. to brush off personal prayer time. And as soon as it goes, I can actually feel myself becoming more irritable, impatient, and lacking peace.
Essentially, this retreat taught me that I need personal prayer like I need water, food, and sleep. I can’t function properly without it, and that is because I begin running on my own efforts, and my own efforts and energy will inevitably run out of steam.
Being with Jesus in prayer brings me a sense of internal peace and assurance, the kind that brings confidence and virtue. And when I am more confident and virtuous then in turn I am able to be a holier wife for my husband and a better servant for God’s people.
In this season of your life, do you have any habits, hobbies, or self-care practices which fill your heart with peace and keep you from falling into discontentment?
I have been a ballet dancer for as long as I can remember and went on to compete, perform, and train other professional dancers. Ballet was my first love and my escape from the busyness and chaos of the world. It is like a retreat space that I still enter into! I try to integrate either stretching or ballet barre exercises into my daily routine and I just do these in the comfort of my living room now that I am not in the studio anymore.
The other self-care element that I brought into my routine was eating healthier. I was on a relaxed paleo diet for a while and really loved it. The diet was not so much for weight loss but for energy. When I eat better and get a little ballet in I feel that I have more energy and, in general, just feel better about myself. I think it is important that we as women feel good about who we are, not out of vanity, but so that we can better share our gifts with the world.
What words of encouragement can you pass on to a woman who might be facing the same choices and challenges as you?
Take full advantage of what is right in front of you and live, sister!
One day, I woke up and realized I had spent years, energy, and money trying to make my life go the way that I thought it should instead of just living joyfully in the present moment.
We are not promised tomorrow. So, instead of thinking about what you wish your life was like or lamenting what you don’t have, embrace what God has given you today.
Look to the saints, Mary, and the Church year to help you find joy and community in times of challenge, you’ll be surprised at how much fun you’ll have. God loves you, and so do I!
Meet Steffani Aquila
Steffani Aquila is the Director of Liturgical Life for the Co-Cathedral of the Sacred Heart and the founder of His Girl Sunday, a ministry that helps individuals, families, and parishes live liturgically and build long-lasting, authentic Catholic traditions. She has a Master of Arts in Theological Studies and has worked in Catholic high schools as a dean and an honors level Theology teacher. When she’s not doing those things, you can find her reading theological books, hosting feast day parties for family & friends, and dancing down the aisles of Hobby Lobby.