Beauty in the Mess: Making Peace With the Washing of the Feet
About 8 years ago, I had a very out-of-the-ordinary situation that involved me having to clean up an unpleasant mess in the middle of the night. To give a bit of context, I am a single person, and I have OCD. This is to say, I am both able and abnormally compelled to keep my life overly sanitary. So this situation (let’s not get into the specifics, just picture a mess that would be a problem for you) couldn’t just be cleaned up quickly and without anxiety. I cleaned as much as I could, given the time and supplies, and absolutely needed to have a shower to clean myself before I could go back to bed. But the problem with OCD is that even when things can be considered clean by ordinary standards, it can seem like it’ll almost never be clean again.
I was so wound up that my mind would not stop racing. I started thinking about the scripture, “Come to me all you who are weary and overburdened and I will give you rest,” and I began to pray it, over and over again, like the Hail Mary in the Rosary. Through this meditative praying, I had an image in my mind of Jesus down on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor. It was as if He was saying, “It’s okay, Kayla. I’ve got this. I’ll finish for you.”
What does this have to do with the Washing of the Feet?
Well, a couple years later, this moment popped into my head during a Holy Thursday service. I sat there thinking about that image of Jesus on my floor. If Jesus had been physically there, I probably would have pleaded for Him to get off the floor because it was dirty and He shouldn’t be down there dealing with it. I also had this image of Him sitting on the edge of my bed, rubbing my back like a parent comforting a child. Again, if it had been literal, there’s no way I would have let Jesus sit on my bed after being on the dirty floor. It was like I had my own Peter moment, wanting to stop Jesus from doing the dirty work He wanted to do for me. Despite the few years that had passed since the situation happened, it really immersed me into that Gospel in a way I had not expected.
Mary Williams, @creatingtolove.
Two years ago (almost to the day as I write this), my most fitting experience of this Gospel came during the last 24 hours of my cat’s life. Her kidneys were failing and we had pumped her full of fluids earlier in the day to try to hydrate her, but instead of doing what we’d hoped, it caused a number of accidents around the apartment. With my OCD, that was not something I was mentally prepared for. It’s an understatement to say it was stressful for me. But each time she urinated on the floor, I got up, put on some gloves, wiped it up, picked her up and took her to the other room to spray her legs down with cat shampoo. After she was sprayed and wiped down, I would bring her back to the couch and lovingly brush her so she was almost back to normal. It was hard. I did this several times in 24 hours. I had been dreading that aspect of her end-of-life care because I didn’t think I would be strong enough for it. But when the need arose, I had more strength than I knew I had. Because I was driven by love.
When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He told them He was giving them an example, that they should also do the same for each other. It was a job for servants, but He was calling them to do it. It is a message of humility. Of service. Of putting others before yourself. It’s a message that can be hard to connect to when we may be used to focusing on ourselves, our own desires, or our own comfort zones. Not to mention the fact that the custom doesn’t really exist anymore, outside of its annual place in the Holy Thursday liturgy.
I will admit that Acts of Service is not even remotely my Love Language. For Acts of Service people, the idea of washing feet may not actually seem so foreign or outdated. It’s possible they have even done similar acts of service (sponge baths, foot massages, diaper changes, etc.) for sick or aging family members and this Gospel is just a reminder of the holiness that comes from this service.
However, for those of us used to keeping a sterile environment and showing their love through one of the other love languages, sometimes it takes an unpleasant mess or two to fully connect to this unique Gospel. I’m not saying I’m going to invite these messes into my life on purpose, by any means, but I can still be thankful that these unpleasant situations were able to open my eyes to the beauty woven into this tradition.
Meet Kayla Hart
Kayla Hart is from British Columbia, Canada, and has a BFA in Writing from the University of Victoria. In addition to being a daughter of God, she considers herself a singer, an occasional playwright, and a musical theatre nerd. She has always had a keen interest in the arts and is excited to further explore her visually artistic side as a new member of the Live Today Well photography team. You can find her on Instagram as @hartofsilver and @hartofsilverproductions.