Less is More: How to Have a Guilt-Free Advent
For years, especially after becoming a mother, I found myself anxious and burnt out by truly trying to do all the holiday things and then feeling like a failure when I didn’t get them done. Trying to catch all the Christmas movies, watch all the tree lightings, bake all the recipes from the magazines, Christmas cards, gift shopping… I was exhausted by the end of the first week of Advent. One year as Advent was starting, I asked myself what it was that *I* needed, not only spiritually but also recreationally, to feel fulfilled both individually and within my family during Advent and Christmas. I realized that I didn’t need to do everything to feel fulfilled. Instead, in choosing a few Advent observances, I was able to invest more fully in those activities and to leave more room for finding Him in the silence. Truly, less is more. The revelation surprised me. So here's what I’ve done each Advent to make the season holy, festive, and guilt-free.
•Pick a few spiritual activities/devotions that will be meaningful for your family. Less is more because you can spiritually invest more deeply and not end the season overwhelmed. We light the Advent wreath every dinner and it’s a big deal with the kids to light a new candle each Sunday. We also do the Jesse Tree imperfectly. (I’ll touch on that in a moment.) Finally, we have a nightly Advent book we read with the kids.
•Remember that Jesus is more important than Santa during the Advent Season. So if you don’t hit all the secular activities or expectations, it’s ok. In the end, it’s more vital we focus on anticipating Christ’s birth.
•Try to finish your gift shopping before Advent or as early as possible. I know it’s a challenge, but when I finish most of the shopping prior to Advent, I can focus on the spiritual side of the season.
•You do not have to do it all. You don’t have to watch all the movies, go to all the parties, or do all the religious activities. And it’s ok to do what you are doing imperfectly. You’re three nights behind on the Jesse Tree? Give yourself permission to be at peace with that.
•Put your Nativity in a prominent place in the house. It keeps His Birth very visible and doing this helps me remember what is truly important this time of year.
•Sit by the lit Christmas tree and Nativity in the dark. Immerse yourself in the peace and quiet. Building this silence allows us to better contemplate the beauty of the waiting in Advent. When I sit in the quiet of dark December days, I can meditate on the end of Mary’s pregnancy and her anticipation of birthing the holy infant. “Be still and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10. Make sure to schedule quiet into your Advent.
•It’s ok to say no. Every year at our current duty station, friends of ours host a cookie party at their house following Christmas Vigil Mass. And every year we’ve attended, even though it’s late and ends way past the kids’ bedtime. Last year, we were recovering from very nasty colds; we were tired and really needing to go home and rest. We decided to not attend the party. While it was a little hard not going, we were more at peace and able to get into bed sooner. Examine what you can cut out if your Advent. Standing in line at the mall, a party that you just can’t seem to squeeze into your schedule? Do Christmas cards drive you crazy every year? Say no—it can be just one year or something you stop doing all together. If it’s not helping you glorify God, it’s probably not worth it.
Fundamentally, keep your Advent simple. Don’t feel like you have to do it all. If certain activities or events make you grouchy or stressed, just let them go. A cranky person is no fun, especially during Advent. If it’s not helping you and your family more appreciate Advent or is detracting from the season, it’s ok to drop the activity. Pick around three religious activities to maintain (or less!). Keep some quiet in the schedule to sit in prayer. Remember that less is more, allowing you to more fully immerse yourself in the enjoyment and celebration.
The first year we simplified our Advent, I couldn’t believe how peaceful and calm our Advent was. I had more time to sit with my husband and the kids, more prayer time, and had almost zero seasonal anxiety (that has to be a thing, right?). We’ve tweaked things through the years, adding and taking away as necessary, allowing ourselves to learn from the previous year. Through it all, we’ve maintained the quiet and mostly stress free ambiance of Advent. By keeping your Advent simple and quieter (and giving yourself permission to not feel guilty), Advent becomes a sweet and quiet season that is spiritually fulfilling.
Meet Adrienne Stravitsch
Adrienne Stravitsch is a proud Army Wife and mother of four who has learned that home is wherever the military sends you,but she’s partial to Texas. Right now, her family is stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. Adrienne graduated from Christendom College with her undergraduate degree in English Literature and had kept herself busy during her husband’s deployments by getting her Masters in Literature from NSULA. Before becoming a wife and mother, Adrienne taught Catholic high school and led various youth ministry groups and talks. Now, when she isn’t homeschooling her children, reading, or behind a keyboard writing, she is probably soaking up time with her husband and children. Adrienne is passionate about finding joy everyday and seeing each moment laced with the Divine.