Women at the Well: The Heart of a Religious Sister
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Felician Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay joining us to talk about her walk with God as a religious sister.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your current vocation as a religious sister, and your normal daily routine.
I grew up in Albuquerque, NM and while attending college, I participated in a 100-mile pilgrimage at the invitation of a friend. It was there that I met the Felician Sisters and was immediately captivated. I saw something alive in them and I wanted to be close to it. I eventually realized it was Jesus I saw, and that Jesus had chosen to show up right there, in the middle of my young adult college life, on a 100-mile pilgrimage. He showed up in both the mundane and the unfamiliar. Jesus showed up in a place where I was searching for more and said to me, “I see you, I love you, I choose you.” I responded by choosing Jesus through a vocation to the religious life.
As a Felician Sister, I now serve as the vocation director for my community. While our prayer routine basically remains the same from convent to convent – prayers together in the morning, Mass, ministry throughout the day, prayers together in the evening, and an evening meal together – my responsibilities for each day are constantly changing. Depending on the day, I could be preparing for a talk, editing videos, or answering questions about religious life on social media.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
Even in my ever-shifting days, Jesus continues to be ever-present. He still shows up in both the mundane and the unfamiliar. Sometimes the mundane is another Zoom call with another school group I may never meet in person. I come, expecting nothing more than the usual water I draw from the well of my ministry. I think to myself, “I’m just Desiré and this is just another day,” but all it takes is a single email or a comment saying, “Thank you, I needed to hear that today,” and I know that’s Jesus. It’s Jesus reminding me I have access to a spring of water which will never run dry – that He offers more depth to what I do than I could imagine.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
The woman at the well has drawn so many of us into her story as her daily tasks and uncharted life speak to us of our own experiences. Like her, we are surprised to encounter Jesus in both the mundane and unfamiliar. The woman at the well may have been living a life she wasn’t proud of, but that didn’t keep Jesus from knowing her worth. While she was quick to point out the flaws in her lifestyle, Jesus was drawn to her because of something else He saw – her, in her entirety. Jesus saw her, He loved her, and He chose her.
Sometimes all it takes to change our lives is a shift in perspective. To move from the familiar to the unfamiliar. I was always most familiar with trying to “fix” myself. I figured a flawless prayer life and an impeccable outward appearance would ensure perfect patience, happiness, and wholeness. But it didn’t work. I still woke up as myself every morning and went to bed as myself every night. Just like our sister at the well, I would point out the things about myself I knew were imperfect, but Jesus could see the whole me. He knew that my heart had the power to ignite the hearts of others, so I stopped trying to find comfort in perfection. Instead, I now choose to embrace the unfamiliar – the discomfort of loving myself in my entirety.
This reveals itself in the way I live my vocation because I no longer focus on what I do or how I appear to others. Instead, I focus on more fully embracing who I am, no matter where I am or what I am doing. This enables me to show up more fully to any situation. I used to walk into a room where I was going to give a talk and think to myself, “They’re going to love me.” That might sound overly-confident, but in fact it was riddled with self-doubt and fear. Behind that phrase was the idea that I had to share some perfect version of myself, or say something profound that people could walk away with. This wasn’t just at speaking engagements; I brought this self-doubt everywhere with me. Why be the flawed young woman I know I am, when I could instead present a façade of perfection? But the truth is, no one has to love me, and I don’t need to ensure that anyone does either. At the same time, the irony which presents itself is the very fact that the more I embrace and love my whole self, the more people will be able to love and embrace me for who I am. Even more powerfully, it will give them permission to turn and readily embrace their whole selves as well.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan_captures.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from encounters with Him?
Even though I am currently a vocation director and we have several women discerning religious life with the Felician Sisters as a result of my ministry, one of our candidates is not with us because of this specific work. She is with us because of Who she encountered in me. Much like my encounter with the Felician Sisters on that 100-mile pilgrimage, this young woman met the community when she had me as her teacher for Spanish and Ballet/Jazz as a freshman in high school. During the course of that year, she has said to me many times, “I realized I didn’t want to be like you. I wanted to be you.” Through our relationship, she encountered Jesus at her own well, and has now begun sharing His presence in her life through social media and a club she started on her college campus.
I share this because it is a prime example of how I did nothing specific to inspire a young woman’s vocation. I didn’t show up trying to make an impression; I didn’t come to the classroom hoping to make them all love me; I didn’t focus on saying or doing the perfect or right thing; I just showed up. What was the result? A student looking up to me so much that she would want to live a life like mine. Role models who show a young person how to embrace the Divine Life that God has placed in them. They are the kind of people who help reveal Jesus at the well.
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fills your heart with peace?
What helps bring me peace and keeps me grounded in my being rather than in my doing are first of all my friends. They remind me that it’s okay to take time off and encourage me not to feel guilty about it when I’m tempted to think I’m being selfish. They sometimes even remind me of why I need a day to spend in quiet, at times knowing more than I do about what may be contributing to my fatigue or mood. Since my ministry often extends into the evenings or weekends, I also give myself permission to take time off any day of the week, and at any time. It could be a whole day, or simply a Wednesday morning. I often prefer to sleep in on those days and lay in bed until I can’t anymore.
I really enjoy drawing and writing, but sometimes I just need to “be still” rather than fill my time off with a different type of activity. For me, being still looks like sitting in my favorite chair (outside if possible) and sipping some tea or enjoying a La Croix. It also includes reading, as I love to just enjoy a book and think about whatever stands out to me in its pages. On the days of rest where I choose to write or do some art, it’s because I know there is something within me that needs to be expressed. It needs to be explored through creativity, and this becomes a way I speak with or listen to God. It is a way I can both be attentive to the stirrings within me, and share them with the One who moves me.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a sister facing the same choices and challenges as you?
Every day could be “just another day,” but it doesn’t have to be. Every day could be the day we meet Jesus at our well. Jesus knew that this courageous woman from Samaria would speak boldly of her encounter with Him, and that because of her, many would come to believe in Him. Her life may not have been perfect, but Jesus saw her, and loved her, and chose her. Our lives and who we are don’t need to be or look a certain way for us to be seen, loved, and chosen. What are the imperfections you typically point out when Jesus approaches you? How does Jesus invite you to set the world ablaze anyway?
I offer this advice to any woman who may be considering religious life: Know that religious life is not some perfect oasis where all problems magically go away. It is not a place where sanctity consists of perfection. Religious life, as any other, can be messy, challenging, and frustrating. Women are not called here to be less of themselves. We are called here to be more of ourselves. We still experience anger, hurt, loss, resentment, impatience. We still have trouble talking about our emotions, fears and doubts. We are women, wholly human. So if you want a place to live out all of who you are, even when it is painful or difficult, you can expect to find a place for yourself here. We will set the world ablaze, not because of what we do or how we appear to others, but because of who we are.
Meet Sr. Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay
Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay is a Felician Sister. After living in Southern California where she taught Theology, Spanish and Dance at an all-girls high school, Sister Desiré now lives in Western Pennsylvania where she works closely with Catholic youth and young adults as the Vocation Director for her community. You can find her on Instagram @sistah.d.