Women at the Well: The Heart of a Single Woman
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Rocina Daez joining us to talk about her walk with God as a single woman.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your current vocation as a single woman and your normal daily routine.
Joy. Groping for joy. If you’re like me you’re wondering what God wants you to do in this “in between” place, especially in the pandemic.
I graduated with a degree in Literature from Christendom College in 2015. I asked God, “Now what?” And He sent me to be a teacher. The past few years I’ve dated a few guys, and lived in 3 different states: Texas, Wisconsin, and Virginia.
I asked God, “What’s the plan?” I’m a big fan of plans. I’m a big fan of being prepared. Knowing what I’m doing, where I’m going, what I have to take.
God laughs. ;) Not in a sadistic way (although in my low moments I sometimes wonder).
Daily routine? Let’s be honest here. In a pandemic? Survive. Exist. And go joy-hunting.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” In this season of my life, Jesus has been telling me to take care of myself. I struggle with poor health. In the past, I’ve overextended myself taking care of others. Now I realize it’s important to have boundaries. To take care of myself. I realize I can’t do it all and leave the work for God!
Leave it ALL to God.
Sometimes I feel like I have to be Superwoman. I want to fix everyone and everything. I need to save people, be the savior. But I can’t. Besides, I already have a Savior. The Savior.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
During this time, God has been showing me that I can trust myself. My instincts, my deep down desires. This may sound counter-intuitive. But God created each of us. You are His creature. He dwells in you. We are temples of the Holy Spirit. Each of us, deep down, knows what is good for us. We know instinctively in our hearts what we are attracted to. Sometimes it takes work to figure this out, but ultimately, inside we know. We have an instinct.
Just as we figure out what colors look best on us, with our skin tone, we also know ourselves in our hearts. “Am I attracted to this guy because he’s smart or handsome? Or because he’s a man of God and would make a good spouse and father?” “Do I want to pursue the religious life because I am running away from the world, or do I feel genuinely called?” Inside us, we know. God does not want us to doubt ourselves. He doesn’t want us to be arrogant, but He does call us to a holy confidence.
Confidence in Him, and confidence in ourselves. By having confidence, we honor Him in acknowledging His creation- He made you! Beautiful, radiant you. You and I, each of us has something to contribute, and to think less of ourselves would not be honoring our Heavenly Father.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mbkeenan_captures.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from encounters with Him?
I have observed in myself the temptation to only be present to God during “prayer time.” That 15-30 minutes with God. This is my “God-time.” Scheduled in. Checked off my to-do list. But I find it is more radical to experience the fruits of prayer by having a constant check-in with God in addition to prayer time. Realizing I am not devoted to God just for those 15 minutes, but rather, God is devoted to me 24/7 and He WANTS to talk!
“How are you doing?”
God asks us this every moment of the day. He WANTS to be involved. He cares about you! And I notice, when I’m present to the fact that God is fond of me, then it’s so much easier to love other people.
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fills your heart with peace?
As a single person, what brings me peace is the fact that THE PLAN OF GOD IS UNSTOPPABLE. It’s easy to think “I messed up,” or “I’m not sure about this, what if I make a mistake?” God’s train is not so easily derailed. God says He has plans for us. Great and wonderful plans.
But on tough days, it’s hard to believe. When negative voices in my head get too loud this is what I do:
• I write down the messages the voices are saying.
• I identify which of these messages are lies.
• I reject the lie, I recognize it as an Untruth - it does not reflect God’s reality.
• I replace the lie with a truth. (bonus points if it’s a scripture quote! E.g. Isaiah 43:4)
This is something that takes LOTS of practice, but ultimately is crucial in ALL walks of life when negativity and the devil want to get us down. Recognizing the difference between truth and lies in our heads is HUGE to having peace. We can pray and pray, but ultimately, if the message we tell ourselves in our heads is a negative one, we’re going to feel negative. Let’s make our brains cozy, peaceful places to be!
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a woman facing the same choices and challenges as you?
It is easy during the single phase in life to “over-discern” – Overanalyze everything and wonder if it’s a sign that you should date a certain guy, pursue a certain vocation. I would encourage my fellow women to trust God and their own instincts. God plants our deepest desires in our heart. Deep down, we know what is good for us. We desire the good. But so often we stifle that voice and don’t listen to ourselves. My advice would be don’t look for signs, listen to God speak in your heart and trust Him.
Yes, it would be nice to have a sign with neon flashing lights straight from God saying ‘This way!’ But I don’t think we would listen to Him or ourselves quite so much.
Trust your instincts. Your mind and body know when something is dangerous and when something gives you joy. And God wants that joy for you, my dear. He wants it for you so badly!
God laughs.
And this time I laugh too.
We’re laughing together.
Meet Rocina Daez
Rocina Daez is a young Catholic woman who is enthusiastic about living life with passion! She enjoys reading, writing, singing, and conversing with friends about "deep stuff - the stuff of life." She is an explorer and discoverer of joy and love in the uncharted waters of quiet, ordinary life.