Women at the Well: The Heart of a Working Mama
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Marissa Ellis joining us to talk about her walk with God as a working mom.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your current vocation as a working mom, and your normal daily routine.
Hi there! I’m Marissa, a 26-year-old originally from southern Maryland. I now live in northern Virginia with my husband Billy and our two-year-old son, Anthony. My husband and I were lucky to have met in college at Temple University in Philadelphia (go Owls!) and got married about three and a half years ago. After college, I served as a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) missionary, and I continue to serve on staff today! FOCUS was founded in 1998 and now has nearly 800 FOCUS missionaries serving at 205 locations, including 168 college campuses, 7 international campuses, 22 parish venues, and 8 digital expansion campuses. I spent two years as an on-campus missionary before transitioning to the Program Director role. Now, I get to serve as a missionary to our missionaries and campuses within the east area by overseeing administrative projects, planning retreats and formation summits, mentoring missionaries, and much more! I love being able to use my gifts and talents to help share the Gospel on college campuses, all while still being able to put my vocation as wife and mother first.
I feel like there’s never quite a “typical” day in our household, but if I had to describe it, our routines might go something like this:
• If it’s a day I’m working, I help get breakfast on the table and my husband and son out the door. My husband drops Anthony off at daycare on his way to work, which has been such a blessing for him! I then go to the chapel and pray a holy hour, then go to Mass, come home, and log into work. Throughout the day I love to have praise and worship music or virtual adoration on in the background while I tend to my work tasks. In the evenings, my husband and son come home, and we have family dinner and prayer time together, do something fun like play or go on a walk, and then put our son to bed. In the evenings my husband and I study, participate in small groups, or just hang out.
• If I’m not working, my son and I help my husband out the door in the morning, and then we go to Mass. After Mass, we will either run errands, go on a field trip to a free local museum or park, or have a playdate. We come home, eat lunch, and I put him down for his nap, which gives me the opportunity to offer my “first fruits” of the day in prayer. I’m lucky because Anthony usually takes a good two-and-a-half-hour nap and then wakes up, which gives me a good amount of time to get things done or relax. We play some more, and then make dinner and get ready for my husband to come home.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
The Lord has been revealing to me how much He desires to transform me. I’ve been contemplating how He descended to us, became obedient to His humanity, and died, all so that I can resurrect with Him and ascend to the Father. He wants to go to those dark and dead places of my heart and resurrect them. When I close my eyes in prayer, I see Jesus looking at me with such love. I see mercy, longing, desire, and joy in His eyes. He wants to give me everything. The more I open myself to receive His love, the more I become who I was created to be.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
I tend to believe I need to be perfect to be in a relationship with Jesus, and I often operate under the mentality that I must have it all together to be good, to be enough, and to be loved. This, my friends, is a lie from Satan, himself. The truth is that I am good, I am enough, and I am loved. Believing and living out of these truths affects everything!
If I don’t operate out of the belief that I am a beloved daughter of God, then what is the truth I operate out of? This begins the habit of looking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places, which spirals into perfectionism and the belief that love is earned, not freely given. Imagine thinking that my goodness was determined by whether I met a work deadline, kept my house spotless, or had the most polite toddler. Operating out of that mentality sounds terrible!
If I know I am good, enough, and beloved, and operate out of those unwavering truths, there is a lightness and a peace about my day. It is important to meet those work deadlines, keep my house clean, and teach my child manners, but those outcomes don’t change my goodness, my worth, and the fact that I am beloved.
Annie Alexiou, @candidlycomposed.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from encounters with Him?
I’m not sure where I would be if I had not encountered Jesus, but it would not be a good place. Before my initial conversion, my worth and my joy came from fleeting things, like my grades in college, or my reputation. But now, I know my worth is constant, and my joy is constant, because He is constant. I see every day as an opportunity to receive His love, build His kingdom, and further the Gospel. This manifests in the day-to-day, whether that be in the little things like answering emails and changing diapers, to the big things like planning retreats and teaching my son how to pray.
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fills your heart with peace?
There is no peace without prayer! I don’t think I could emphasize this enough. The moment we begin to feel discontent, we must turn to Jesus to speak truth into our hearts. That being said, I think holy leisure is a lost art. Is it just me, or does binge watching Netflix leave you more stressed than when you started?! We need real self-care, things that refresh your mind, body, and soul.
Jesus tells us in the Gospel of Mark that the Sabbath was not made for man, but man for the Sabbath! My husband and I try to honor the Sabbath on Sundays by turning off our screens, avoiding errands, and minimizing the chores and to-dos on that day. Instead, we take walks, read books, play games, and cook a good meal together. While it doesn’t always look perfect, it does help refresh our mind, body, and souls.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a woman facing the same choices and challenges as you?
Three thoughts come to mind:
First, your prayer is everything! As Mother Teresa once said, you cannot go a day without letting Jesus tell you that He loves you. Yes, offering up prayers and sacrifices while folding laundry and getting up for those 2AM feeds is great, but you need to create space in your day for that one-on-one prayer with Jesus. This time may not come easily, but like any good relationship that is worth it, you need to fight for it.
Second, shake off the critics. My vocation as a wife and mother comes before my work, and I am lucky to work for FOCUS, a Catholic organization that encourages and supports this. FOCUS puts a huge emphasis on families praying together and going to daily Mass as often as we can, as well as spending personal time in prayer. If my work interfered with my family, I would give it up in a heartbeat. I find a great amount of joy and purpose in my work since it utilizes my gifts and talents to spread the Gospel, and I believe the joy and purpose I receive from my work helps me to be a happier, healthier mama. I know through prayer and discernment that being a working mom is what is best for my family and I in this season of our life. However, there have been countless times when I have felt shamed from other mothers, especially Catholic mothers, for being a working mom. I cannot tell you the number of times I have been asked, “So when are you going to quit working and stay home with your son full time?” To be honest, I never knew how to respond to these questions, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized, it doesn’t really matter! The only things that matter are that I am beloved by the Father and that I conform my will to His. If I am doing that, it doesn’t matter what other people think.
Third, find your “mom squad.” Motherhood is messy, hard, and sometimes very lonely. But it wasn’t meant to be that way. We are relational beings, created for community, and we literally were not made to do this alone! We need each other. So, bring that new mom a meal, host casual weekend dinners, have a standing play date at the park with the parish moms’ group. Your house doesn’t need to be neat, and meals don’t need to be extravagant. We only need to be with one another as we journey through this season of life.
Meet Marissa Ellis
Marissa is a beloved daughter of the Father, wife to her wonderful husband Billy, and mom to her spirited toddler, Anthony Ignatius. She is passionate about deep conversations, praying with others, and helping people find and experience their true identities as sons and daughters of God. Because of this passion to help others, she is pursuing an M.S. in Counseling at Divine Mercy University and hopes to utilize those skills to help others find healing and wholeness. Marissa is entering her fifth year on staff with FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, and serves the mission as a Program Director for the east area. You can check out more about the mission of FOCUS and connect with her through her FOCUS support page by clicking here.