Embracing the In-Between Seasons of Life

All of life feels as if it is in a season of in-between.

Winter is sandwiched between the beauty of autumn and the fresh newness of spring. The liturgical year finds us all solidly in the midst of Ordinary Time; fresh off the Christmas season and waiting upon the penitential season of Lent.

While I see glimpses of this as I look at the world around me, I feel it most deeply in my own life right now; that my life as a 36 year old woman is in a season of in-between in more ways than one. And honestly, I (sometimes) don’t love it.

I am embarking on a brand new career, which I think has been the change I have been praying for for quite some time. It feels exciting and in many ways, is an answer to prayer. I am learning how to navigate grief and loss as my family and I just passed the year anniversary of my dad’s death on January 22. I am reminded of the physical absence of my dad in more ways than one, and after 365 days, I wish it became easier as time passed.

I find myself single again, choosing to end a relationship in peace and clarity rather than settling for a man because I don’t want to be alone. Since my divorce and annulment five years ago, I have been in several serious relationships, but I still have not yet found my match, my life partner.

I find myself in another cycle of dealing with the feelings that come with a breakup, while entering into online dating again. It feels both frustrating and sometimes scary to wonder why God puts the desire of marriage and family on my heart, if it has not yet been fulfilled. I feel ready but somehow it has not yet happened.

In all honesty, I am not really the best when it comes to this in-between season. I kind of suck at it. It requires surrender, trust, and abandonment to the will of God. All things I like the idea of, but when push comes to shove, I am more of a toddler still learning to walk instead of a little girl confidently riding her bike down the street.

Maybe your in-between season looks different than mine. Maybe it involves little ones at home or older kids in high school and college. Perhaps it involves the desire for a new career or a clear path in which to more deeply pursue your passions and creative dreams. Maybe it involves heart, miscarriage, broken relationships, or the desire to be seen and chosen.

I am the furthest thing away from an expert.

The question I keep coming back to as I write this post is one I wrestled with a lot this past Advent: What is God inviting me to learn right now, in this space?

Allow me to share a recent example..

I had sensed maybe around the middle of summer that things may not work out with my most recent relationship. Being a person who tends to decide quickly, my spiritual advisor has always advised me that you “live into a relationship.” Do not decide hastily in a moment, but intentionally over time.

As fall came around, I felt this restless anxiety more; especially as Advent began. So in my November and December direction appointments, my spiritual advisor gave me homework to pray with each day.

She asked me to imagine the most beautiful church that my boyfriend and I were standing in front of with each other. Then, she said to see you both laying down on the altar; seeing this as a radical symbol of abandoning this relationship and both of us to the will of God.

Besides that, I prayed a very similar type of prayer in my own words: “Holy Spirit, if this is good for me, if we are good for each other, please make a MIGHTY move here in this situation.”

Ladies, I prayed those words and over that image like it was a second full time job. And you know what? God made a move, well, not the one I wanted. But it became clear that while there was so much that was good here and I loved Joe and his kids, this was not right for me.

While I see this is best for me, I still don’t love the answer or the outcome of ending another relationship.

So why share all of that with you?

Because whatever the “in-between” season you find yourself in, you can use those same images or free type prayers to help you navigate it with Jesus.

What do you need to imagine and pray about laying down on the altar?

For me it is no longer Joe and I together in a relationship, but the deepest desires in my heart for my life partner and sharing life together with hopefully a family.

What honest, raw prayer do you need to pray from the very depths of your heart?

Ladies, I am about the furthest thing away from an expert. However, I do believe that in times of transition or uncertainty, practices like this can ground us in truth, hope, and the presence of God.

Talk with Jesus about those questions. See what He has to say back to you.

Meet Patricia Breen

Patty Breen has 12 years of lay ministerial experience serving as a Youth Minister and Pastoral Associate. Currently, she works as a Ministry Formation Manager leading retreats and formative experiences for healthcare associates and clinicians. Patty writes online in several different spaces and travels both locally and nationally speaking at conferences and leading retreats. Finding people where life finds them, she uses the art of storytelling to connect to their hearts. When not serving ministerially or writing, you can find Patty getting stronger at CrossFit, reading lots of good books and loving her Godchildren, niece, and nephew. She loves deep conversations at the intersection of faith, culture and ministry, and loves a good movie quote.

INSTAGRAM: @amoderngrace
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Kara BeckerFebruary 21, 2022