Reconciling With God When You Feel Irreconcilable
The priest could probably hear my voice shaking as I began my confession. I felt clammy and lightheaded. But I knelt, crossed myself, and said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 21 years since my last confession … which is the first thing I need to confess.”
I went to my first confession when I was seven years old and did not return until I was 28. A combination of bad catechesis, social anxiety disorder, and acedia led me to avoid this sacrament for most of my life. Praise God, a combination of both grace and therapy brought me back.
Almost every time I’ve been to Confession since then, I’ve left with the profound knowledge that the Holy Spirit really is speaking through the priest I confessed to. He knew exactly what to say to help me know that I was forgiven and to help me take next steps in my spiritual growth.
It began with that first priest, who welcomed me back to the sacrament with such warmth and generosity that I felt like the prodigal son returning home.
Whether you’ve been away from Confession for a long time or struggle with scrupulosity and the feeling that you can’t be forgiven, I hope that my story can inspire you to return to this sacrament, which is such a tremendous gift to us. And, if you need some help, below are a few tips I have learned as a socially anxious, scrupulosity-prone lover of Confession:
Write Down What You Will Confess
During my examination of conscience, I take notes in my journal so my mind doesn’t go blank in the confessional. I can also go back later to see my spiritual growth (or patterns I need to continue to work on!) and remember how long it’s been since my previous confession.
The act of writing out my sins is also the first step toward confessing them—something about having them written out in front of me helps me acknowledge them honestly to myself before I need to acknowledge them to God and ask him for forgiveness in confession.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15.
Remember That You’re Not Going to Surprise the Priest
They’ve heard it all. And they aren’t there to judge you—they are there as a conduit of God’s mercy.
You won’t surprise the priest. He’s not thinking anything of you other than that you are a penitent Christian seeking God’s love.
Bring a Book for the Wait
I’m blessed to live in an area with a lot of practicing Catholics—which also means there’s usually a line for Confession. If you’re going to get anxious while waiting for your turn, bring a book or something else to occupy yourself with during the wait.
Bring a Friend
If you’re married, go with your spouse (assuming one of you doesn’t need to stay home with a sleeping child, which is often the case for my husband and me these days!). If you’re not, go with a friend. You can support each other, pray your penance together, and serve as accountability partners.
Pray
Pray for courage. Pray for a good confession. Pray for a gentle priest. And ask Jesus to help you feel him in the confessional. I promise, he’s there.
Meet Taryn DeLong
Taryn DeLong is a Catholic wife and mother in North Carolina who encourages women to live out their feminine genius as co-president of Catholic Women in Business, a FEMM fertility awareness instructor, and a contributor to publications for Catholic women. She enjoys curling up with a cup of Earl Grey and a good novel, playing the piano, and taking walks in the sunshine with her family. Connect with her on Instagram @tarynmdelong or her website, Everyday Roses.