Women at the Well: Finding Time For Self-Care in Your Vocation
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re excited to have Krista Steele joining us to talk about her walk with God as a wife and mother.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your vocation, and normal daily routine.
I’m a therapist, writer, wife and mom. My husband Jeff builds custom homes in Columbus, Ohio. I see clients once a week, and am home with our two children the rest of the week. Lucy is almost 3 and James is 8 months old. We have a 10 year old Australian Shepherd named Hank.
One of the things I love most about this time in our lives is the endless possibilities for our days. With neither of our children in school yet, we have so much freedom to go to the library or the park, make a trip to the zoo after naps or meet friends for an impromptu play date. The rhythms of our days are dictated less by a rigid schedule than by the rhythms of nap times and bedtimes.
Not to say it’s all sunshine and craft projects, though. I love checking tasks off of a to-do list and having a clean space so there’s a tension there, too. I know I’ll never regret taking this time to spend with my young family.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
With two young children constantly underfoot making so many messes and so much noise, I’m leaning into those new mercies the Lord has for me every morning. I’m a highly sensitive person and an introvert and it sometimes feels like mothering small children well is fundamentally incompatible with my nature. At the end of the day, it’s easy to be discouraged by my own smallness, but Jesus reminds me that He delights in my weakness and fills my lack with the fullness of life. I forget it about a hundred times a day but when I can let that truth sink in it’s like releasing a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
I am my own worst critic and the Lord has been offering me so much gentleness. I often find myself thinking, “What is wrong with me?! I should be better than this by now. Why can’t I get it together?!”
In those moments, I come back to a line from Father Grag Boyle’s book Tattoos on The Heart that says, “Behold the One beholding you and smiling.” I close my eyes and imagine God holding my face in His hands, getting nose to nose with me to make sure I’m paying attention and simply smiling at me.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from your encounters with Him?
Prayer keeps me grounded in a time of my life that is loud, messy and filled with interruptions and changed plans. Sometimes that first pre-dawn hour of the day is the only moment of quiet I’ll have.
The first fruit that comes to mind is generosity. I’m quicker to say “yes” to things, and that’s largely from accepting the Lord’s grace to soften my heart and increase my capacity to love without counting the cost or keeping score. I’m able to respond to the needs of the moment with love instead of reacting from a place of overwhelm.
For example: Jeff just went to the Super Bowl. He’s a huge Bengals fan and this was a once in a lifetime experience that he had the opportunity to share with his brother. Without prayer, without my relationship with Jesus, I would have only been thinking about what that trip cost. Not just financially, but what it cost me, with more time solo with the kids after already spending so much time with them, the work and logistics of planning and preparing. It’s by the grace of God that I could see with clear eyes what that trip meant to Jeff and respond with an enthusiastic “yes!” when he asked to go.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fill your heart with peace?
We have a part time nanny who watches our kids two days per week and that has been such a gift. One of those days I’m in the office, but on the other day I may stop for a coffee on my way to visit my local bookstore, go for a long walk, get a pedicure, meal prep, write, meet Jeff for lunch, etc. We also have our house professionally cleaned twice per month. We have grandparents close by and they’ll frequently take one or both kids for a night or even for a weekend, giving Jeff and I some much appreciated time together.
This winter I’ve committed to getting outside every day for at least 10 minutes and even that little bit of fresh air and sunshine has been great for my mental health. I read every day, usually while Lucy watches an episode of Daniel Tiger. I’ve started painting my nails once a week which helps me feel like a person despite spending so many days in leggings and t-shirts that are sticky and smelling like spit up by 9 am. Getting dressed in clean clothes and putting a little make up on my face every morning helps me feel ready for the day. It gives me an extra boost of energy and confidence.
I go to yoga every Tuesday night and lift weights in the basement twice a week. I’m in a book club that meets once a month and spends one weekend every Fall in a cabin in the woods eating good food, reading good books, sleeping in and laughing with each other. I text back and forth with my best friend daily. I go to therapy and spiritual direction.
I drive a little further to shop at Trader Joe’s because they have the best flowers — you’ll find a fresh bouquet in my cart every week — and it’s the only grocery store I leave happier than when I was when I arrived. If we need something from Costco, I add it to my “Instacart” and once every couple months it gets delivered to my front door because taking two small children to Costco is not my idea of a good time and going by myself is not how I want to spend my precious free time.
That’s a lot, but it’s important to me to be honest about everything that helps me function at my best. Some take almost no extra time, effort or money and some are quite expensive or are more complex to plan and execute. If self-care is anything that helps me feel like myself, to whittle it down to one or two core practices would paint an incomplete picture. While I don’t do all of these things all of the time, I do most of these things most of the time.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a sister facing the same choices and challenges as you?
When I’m daydreaming of buying a one way ticket to anywhere-but-here, I return to what I know to be true: it won’t be like this forever. That phrase, to me, is both a comfort and a warning. On one hand, “Don’t worry. It won’t be like this forever.” And on the other hand, “Pay attention. It won’t be like this forever.” In the sweetest moments and in the hardest moments, both apply.
Meet Krista Steele
Krista is a wife, mom, therapist, writer and speaker. She lives in Columbus, Ohio with her husband Jeff, their two children and dog. Krista believes in the power of storytelling, gathering around the kitchen table, and the words "tell me more." You can find more from her on Instagram @kristasteele_ and at Kristasteele.net.