6 Lessons I Learned about Navigating Transitions with Anxiety and Grace
I just started wedding planning. It’s all strange and exciting and new, and I admit a little bit scary. This is a season of intense transition as I prepare for my life to be united with another.
It’s also a season of continued discernment, stopping at every step along the way to ask for God’s continued guidance. Conventional wisdom says that I should be giddy, brimming over with excitement and consolation and all those warm, fuzzy feelings you see in the movies. And I am. But, that’s not all there is to it.
I struggle with anxiety. Seasons of transition can feel especially rocky, as all that vulnerability and insecurity raise the alarm bells inside my brain triggering an anxiety response that can be difficult to navigate.
So, how do you navigate these seasons of transition and discernment, especially when you experience heightened emotions due to struggles in your mental health?
I don’t have all the answers, but I've discovered that the wisdom I've gained from prayer and therapy while discerning through past seasons of transition is helping me navigate this new and biggest season of my life.
Lesson One- Know when to move forward
St. Ignatius of Loyola’s rules for Discernment of Spirits have been huge for me. When it comes to dealing with anxiety, the most important one for me is this: when in a time of desolation, never make a change. So if my anxiety is acting up, or I begin to ruminate and fixate on whether I’m making the right decision, I try to:
A. catch myself,
B. recognize that I’m not in a good state to be discerning right now, and
C. do my best to put the questions aside until I return to a place of calm.
Typically, when the calm returns, God gives me the confirmation I need to keep moving forward.
Lesson Two- Prayer is not a math problem
It’s worth noting that although Ignatius’ rules of discernment are helpful, I wouldn’t recommend treating them like a formula. If you struggle with anxiety like I do, trying to hold onto a specific formula or method of prayer can be counterproductive, because in the desire to do it “right,” we can end up exciting our brain’s anxiety response and keep ourselves in that place where we can’t discern things clearly.
Lesson Three- Letting God lead
Instead, it’s important to practice letting go of the plan and letting God use our time of prayer in whatever way He wishes.
For me, that usually looks like making myself a cup of coffee, sitting down in the corner of my house dedicated to prayer, lighting a candle, and taking a big, deep breath.
Sometimes I pray a simple opening prayer, like, “Come Holy Trinity. Dwell in my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul, and do with me as you will.”
By releasing the responsibility for my spiritual progress to God, I have an easier time allowing myself to simply be there, and let God move my heart as He wills.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15.
Lesson Four- Use a Journal to write reflections
This movement of heart typically brings me to first examine myself.
How am I feeling?
What am I experiencing right now?
Is it anxiety, fear, insecurity?
Is there a situation that’s filling my mind, or that I’m concerned about?
And, how does God want to meet me there?
I find it helpful to speak the answers to these questions out loud, or write them in a journal, being as heartfelt and honest as I can about what I’m feeling, no matter what that looks like for me that day or whether or not what I’m feeling is what I’m “supposed to” feel towards God.
There have been days when I told Him, “I don’t feel like I can trust You,” and days when I told Him I was mad at Him for not listening to my prayers. And as hard as these things can be to say to Him, taking stock of my emotions and experiences and describing them with honesty calms my mind.This forces me to slow down and assess what’s going on inside me, rather than just letting my mind continue to react unchecked.
It also gives God time to work with me to get to the root of what’s causing my emotional responses, including underlying wounds and fears, and bring those things the light so I can ask for His healing. Going through this takes time and work, but this is the way God needs to meet my heart.
Lesson Five- Leave space for silence
As I go through all these things with the Lord, I’ve found it critical to practice leaving space for silence. I have to give God time to speak, to let Him bring out of me the deeper wounds and insecurities that are feeding what I’m experiencing and shed light into the depths of my heart. I have to give Him time to reach those places and place His hands where it hurts. I need to give Him time to see me, really see me, and speak to me in the way He knows I really need.
This can be uncomfortable at first, and even after doing it for years, there are days when I still find it difficult. But it is this radical honesty, this radical openness and willingness to let God have my time, that has been truly transformative for me. So, I keep practicing.
Lesson Six- Speak honestly with others
That practice doesn’t stop with my holy hour. In addition to prayer, I’m learning to practice speaking honestly with people I trust, continuing to see a therapist to more deeply parse out what the Lord brings up in prayer has also been helpful, as it allows God to reach me through another person.
Making emotional navigation a part of my daily life has allowed the Lord tremendous space to do His work, and continually reconnecting with Him helps me feel more confident as I move through these transitions and embrace seasons of change.
Big changes in life can leave you feeling like everything is turning upside down. By leaning on the wisdom of the saints, prayerfully navigating our feelings, and giving God time to respond with grace, we can find the clarity we need to keep moving forward, one step at a time, into the place He’s calling us next.
Meet Kathryn Brewer
Kathryn Brewer is currently a PhD student at Vanderbilt University, where she studies the molecules of life and how they are impacted by human disease. A cradle Catholic who rediscovered her faith in college, Kathryn has developed a particular love for Carmelite saints and quiet, heartfelt prayer with Jesus. When not in the lab, she can be seen at a coffee shop talking life with friends, baking a fresh loaf of sourdough bread, or singing for mass at her local parish. You can find Kathryn at @brewerkathryn0 or @preciousandhonoredblog on Instagram or @AtomicCatholic on Twitter.