What I Wish I Knew Then: Adapting Prayer Practices to Different Seasons of Life
“I don’t want to listen to this right now,” I snapped as I paused the podcast. My fiancé and I were driving home from Christmas with my parents, and we were eight hours into a ten hour drive. It was New Year’s Day, and he wanted to start the Catechism in a Year so he would start 2023 on the right foot. But, I just wasn’t having it.
I was irritated. I didn’t want to be listening to anyone talk about God. I didn’t want to hear any of it. And, to add insult to injury, I was frustrated at myself for being irritated. The inner turmoil that had been building for the last ten minutes had finally showed itself.
“What’s wrong, honey?” my fiancé asked from the driver’s seat. Initially I told him I didn’t know. But, slowly (and a little painfully), I revealed that I was feeling frustrated about prayer.
Prayer had been dry lately. I didn’t really feel like I was gaining any new insight or like I was going anywhere. I was doing the same thing I had been doing for years, but something just wasn’t right. I was tired and frustrated, and I felt like God wasn’t listening. I didn’t really know what to do.
We drove in silence for a few minutes, my fiancé pondering over what I said. When he did speak, he gave me a challenge: to abandon my prayer routine. Not forever, just for two weeks.
He encouraged me to replace my normal hour of spiritual reading and journaling with ten minutes of silence. No books. No writing. Just me and the Lord, sitting together.
I was uncomfortable with his proposal. I liked my routine and was worried replacing it with such a small thing wouldn’t be “enough.” But, I decided to take him up on it anyway.
It turned out, that change of pace was exactly what I needed to reset. At the end of those two weeks I felt refreshed and I was longing for more.
I wanted to spend more time with Jesus. I wanted to start reading again and build more time and attention into my practice of prayer. I had no idea how useful this little exercise would be, but I’m glad my fiancé (no doubt prompted by the Holy Spirit) suggested it to me.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15
Spiritual dryness is hard. It can be frustrating sometimes, to find that what had been working before is suddenly lacking. There’s a certain comfort in the routine, but it’s precisely that comfort that can lead us to spiritual discontent. My time navigating this area of dryness, both in the past few months and at other times in my life, has taught me (and retaught me) a few important things.
1. Let go of control.
It’s hard not to fall into the trap of thinking that prayer is “supposed” to be a certain way. It's supposed to take a specific amount of time, or feel a certain way. That I should walk away from it with a certain kind of spiritual insight or immediately recognizable good.
But the truth is, we’re not in charge of our prayer lives. God is. What His grace looks like will be different from day to day. He may give us consolations, or He may not. We may gain some kind of insight into Who He is and who we are, or we might not.
But, no matter what we think or feel about our time in prayer, to God time in prayer is never wasted, and is always used for our good.
So we don’t have to put pressure on ourselves to do it exactly right. It’s all grace. We just need to show up.
2. Try something new.
The beautiful thing about God being in control of our prayer lives is that we have the freedom to explore. We don’t have to hold onto a certain formula. There are so many ways to pray, from vocal prayer to song to journaling to reading to drawing, the list goes on.
And, as the above story illustrates, sometimes a change of routine is enough to spark the spiritual fire again when it feels like it’s running dry. So, try something new! It might surprise you.
3. Pay attention to what’s working.
In exploring the fields of our prayer lives, it is helpful to have guide posts so that the exploring doesn’t become wandering. Taking note of what practices are giving life, and which aren’t, helps bring a certain level of self-awareness to the journey, as God prompts our hearts towards what will help us most from day to day. Maybe there are days when you need to open prayer with praise. Maybe on other days you need to write out your thoughts and give God some space to answer them.
Listening to what you need and choosing the practices that are best suited to those needs may help give that time of prayer a sense of direction and rootedness as we make space for Christ.
4. Lean into the dry seasons with faithfulness and trust.
Sometimes, even our best efforts in the practice of prayer will feel like they’re not yielding fruit, and no amount of creativity can totally prevent that.
God grants us the grace we need in prayer. He decides what grace we need, whether it is consolation or a dry sense of longing.
These times of dryness are a critical part of the spiritual journey, as they give us an opportunity to practice faithfulness, to keep showing up even when it seems there’s nothing in it for us, and work to trust that God is continuing to give us grace and lead us to Himself even if it doesn’t feel like it.
So, no matter what your season of life looks like or what your prayer practices are, above all things, keep showing up. Because God is in control and will honor your faithfulness.
Meet Kathryn Brewer
Kathryn Brewer is currently a PhD student at Vanderbilt University, where she studies the molecules of life and how they are impacted by human disease. A cradle Catholic who rediscovered her faith in college, Kathryn has developed a particular love for Carmelite saints and quiet, heartfelt prayer with Jesus. When not in the lab, she can be seen at a coffee shop talking life with friends, baking a fresh loaf of sourdough bread, or singing for mass at her local parish. You can find Kathryn at @brewerkathryn0 or @preciousandhonoredblog on Instagram or @AtomicCatholic on Twitter.