Finding Wholeness: Making Peace With My Singleness
My first year of college was rough. I spent the entire year in confusion over what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. There were a few hurricanes, a whole lot of tears, and a lot of feelings of emptiness and unworthiness. I was constantly comparing myself to my friends and felt trapped by my feelings. But most of all, I felt really lonely. Even though I was surrounded by people much of the time, I still felt alone and misunderstood. In order to fit in, I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I felt really single.
A lot of weekends came and went where I saw my friends going on dates and I was left by myself. God was a person I worshipped on Sundays, but I hid this part of my life from Him thinking He would never understand. It was a hard season and I didn’t know how to fix it.
Towards the end of the spring semester, I finally realized something had to change. I prayed for friends and opportunities which would led me to fulfillment. Then, I saw an advertisement for a summer mission in my home diocese. I knew it was a sign.
It was a decision that came out of left field. It wasn’t in line with my college major or any of my life goals. However, the Spirit continued to gently nudge me toward it. And, it was perfect. It was the opportunity I needed to let God fully love me. I wouldn’t say I had a true, lasting relationship with God until that summer. He changed everything. When I finally broke down over all of the darkness and loneliness I was feeling and asked Him to take care of it, He did. It wasn’t an overnight thing, but over the next few months and even through today, He continually transforms my weary heart to become more like His.
Emily Ha, @inner.eminence.
After the summer ended, I came off the retreat high. Jesus was meeting me where I was but, I still wasn’t satisfied. There was one thing I was still holding onto, waiting for it to change, my relationship status. That was the one thing that I just couldn’t get over- couldn’t fully surrender. My kryptonite if you will. My singleness had slowly and surely become my identity. It became integral to how I viewed myself and served as a constant source of disappointment.
Then, one day through an Instagram scroll, a friend shared this phrase, “You are whole but not finished.” I couldn’t get it out of my head and I thought about it for days. It shattered me to my core. As someone who had been chasing fulfillment, being told I was already whole wrecked me. It was a truth that I had heard but never internalized. What a gift it is to be whole, to be a complete human being who isn’t defined by any of our worldly states or titles. We are whole beings loved by God forever.
I realized that if I treated this season as “less than” and focused on this idol, I wasn’t living a whole life. I wasn’t living the abundant and grace-filled life God calls each of us to live. Now, there are days where I wake up and feel jealous and lonely over others’ relationships, but I circle back to this fundamental and unchangeable truth. I am whole but I am not finished. I was created as a whole human being that God continues to cultivate as I learn, love, feel, and just be.
Friend, you are a whole being. You aren’t pieces needing to be put back together, you aren’t half of a being that needs to be completed, you are a complete being whom God has loved into existence. You are also a light. Even in the moments where you feel dark, you are a beacon of God’s light and love in a weary world. My prayer is that you take some time to reflect on your wholeness. Whatever your vocation or state of life is, I pray that you know deep in your heart that you are a whole being and God is working everything out for your good (Romans 8:28).
Meet Sara Coello
Sara is a student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She is an early bird with the help of coffee of course and loves the Hallmark channel. She also loves scented candles, Google Calendars, the Jonas Brothers, acoustic versions of praise and worship music, and her family and friends.
After growing up as a cultural Catholic, Sara had a powerful encounter with God through Eucharistic Adoration and has been living out her true identity as His Daughter ever since. Sara's favorite Bible verse is John 10:10, and she loves living an abundant life full of the Lord's love, mercy, and grace through the Sacraments. She is involved in her campus ministry and loves to talk and pray with friends, over coffee of course. Connect with Sara on Instagram @saramcoello.