Women at the Well: The Heart of a Newlywed
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Rebecca Martin joining us to talk about her walk with God as a newly married woman.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your current vocation as a newlywed, and your normal daily routine.
My name is Rebecca, and I sometimes forget what my last name is because I got married less than a year ago. I also forget what city I live in (the right answer is Westland, Michigan or “near Detroit”) because I’ve been ping-ponging between Indiana and Michigan since I graduated from Christendom College in 2015.
I met my husband, Carl, at a parish young adult group. He was vaguely interested, I was completely oblivious, and we parted ways for a few years until he sent me a funny Shakespeare meme in the fall of 2018. The rest of our relationship involved discovering just how many nerd points we had in common. (I distinctly remember excitedly telling several friends after one of our dates that I had found a guy who could initiate and keep up a conversation about Proto-Indo-European.) We became friends across months of long-distance dating, and it didn’t take long to realize where God was leading us. We married in May of 2020, in a very simple ceremony due to the pandemic.
Over these months of marriage, I’ve gotten to know Carl so much better. Every day I discover a new reason to love him, a new reason I’m grateful for his companionship. We are still learning a lot about how to be married, but life is so good.
My day looks something like this:
• Drag myself to the sofa where I curl up, say Morning Prayer, pray lectio divina with the Hallow app, and chill for a bit. The day goes better if I start with some down time and prayer. (And doing my hair. There’s just something about doing my hair.)
• Then I get started with my job as a book editor for Our Sunday Visitor. I’ll spend most of the day diving deep into the current manuscript, attending meetings, communicating with authors, and kicking one or more of our three cats off my desk. Every now and then my husband will pop back to my office, or I’ll wander over to his. I love these little moments of interaction during the day—they keep me grounded.
• In the evening, I'm usually either housekeeping or avoiding the housekeeping with a book. Sometime before bed my husband and I will curl up together and spend some quality time just talking and winding down.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
*Insert laughter here.* My Good Lord has been teaching me many lessons, but primarily He’s been offering me His peace, when I’ll listen. And reminding me that my purpose is to love—not to be productive. Marriage is a call to leave behind who I was and become someone new. And that’s absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But Jesus is teaching me to find Him anew in this new identity, this new life.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
As a married woman, I can't live for myself any more. Everything is love, as Saint Thérèse says: my chores, my time, my words, my receptivity, my gifts. Everything has to be directed by love, but likewise, everything can be love. And I can love God and hear Him in and through my husband. That gives me joy and keeps me balanced (when I remember to think about it amid the busyness!).
Emily Ha, @inner.eminence.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from encounters with Him?
In lectio divina, I have known, since the first incredible time I really practiced it as an adult, that I am truly having a conversation with Jesus. There, always, I can hear His words, and I can speak to Him, and in that conversation He reminds me that He sees and cares about the little details of my life. I can let go and let God handle things and not be consumed by worry, because I'm not alone. I have Someone who loves me by my side. Just as in marriage I've grown to see my husband as a rock and refuge, through prayer I've learned how God is my ultimate, infinite, eternal rock and refuge.
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fills your heart with peace?
Father Jacques Philippe’s little book Searching For and Maintaining Peace brought me to understand, for the first time, what it means to be at peace. As a result, I’ve been trying to give God what I have—my gifts, faults, failures, and scattered prayer time—and trust Him to take care of the rest. A few things help: the Hallow app, which has been amazing for my prayer life; renewing friendships with married friends; hosting a weekly prayer group; and studying with my Lay Dominican chapter, which challenges me to grow intellectually and spiritually. But more than anything, my husband constantly reminds me of my worth and through his love, keeps me grounded. Sometimes all I really need is a few minutes of quiet time with him, and life gets a whole lot easier.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a sister facing the same choices and challenges as you?
Married life without kids—whether before pregnancy, in an empty nest, or while suffering the cross of infertility—forces you to focus on yourself, your husband, and your marital vocation. And it's beautiful. Take the time to learn more and more about your husband. Learn more about God through him, and let him teach you about God by his unconditional love. Marriage is your vocation, and that means that God wants to love you in and through your identity as a wife. Let Him!
Meet Rebecca Martin
Rebecca W. Martin serves as Associate Editor for Our Sunday Visitor’s trade books, and Daily Gospel Reflections editor at CatholicMom.com. A native Hoosier and Christendom College alumna, she lives in southeast Michigan with her husband and three cats. She is a Lay Dominican, book addict, Shakespeare fangirl, amateur baker, and musician. You can find her on Instagram @nerdcornerbooks.