Women at the Well: The Heart of a Dating Woman
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re thrilled to have Kelsey joining us to talk about her walk with God as a dating woman post college .
Tell us a bit about yourself, your current vocation as a dating woman, and your normal daily routine.
I graduated from the University of Dallas where I majored in Psychology and minored in Pastoral Ministry. After college, I spent a year in Denver as a Christ in the City missionary living in community and doing outreach with people experiencing homelessness. Since then, I’ve worked a few different jobs, but I recently started a new position working in college admissions. One thing I am particularly passionate about is social justice.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years, and he’s really become my best friend. We met when we were seniors in high school visiting University of Dallas at the same time. I saw him in the cafeteria and thought he was cute, so I asked if I could sit with him! We didn’t start dating until our senior year of college, which is truly a testament to God’s perfect timing. We were friends all through college, but a romantic relationship with each other wasn’t on our radars for a while. God was doing important work in each of our hearts individually between our meeting that first time as high schoolers and dating by the end of college. It’s been really special to be together through the years that we’ve transitioned out of college and into the “real world.” We’ve grown and changed a lot and our relationships with God has evolved too. I’m very grateful to have been through it all together.
I’d love to say I have a normal daily routine, but at the moment I really don’t!
I recently moved to Houston to be closer to my boyfriend after two years of long-distance dating. It’s been a gift to rejoice in the daily things that we haven’t gotten to experience much of together before like going on walks, cooking dinner, watching our favorite shows, and going to Mass. I just started a new job after being unemployed for several months, and I’m living with a friend’s family until I can find my own place. The past few months have had a lot of transition, and as much as I love a good routine, especially a prayer routine, I find it really difficult to have one in the midst of transition. I’ve moved around a lot over the past few years and I’ve learned that it really does take some time to get the hang of a new routine, and that I should be patient and gentle with myself just as Jesus is patient and gentle with me.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
Jesus is gently inviting me closer to Him. I mentioned that I try to pray 20 minutes a day, and lately He’s been inviting me to give up more pockets of my day to be with Him. I’ve felt convicted lately to start and end my day in prayer rather than scrolling through my phone, and to dedicate more time to silence rather than always having music or podcasts playing. In the past few months through the pandemic and through moving I have been feeling pretty distant from God. Something that has been so transformative has been watching the show “The Chosen.” There have been several scenes that I’ve mediated on in prayer, including the story of the woman at the well.
The woman at the well (who traditionally has been named Photina) is skeptical of Jesus at first. It’s not until He reveals that He is the Messiah and starts to reveal to her intimate details of her life that she understands. Even when He starts to reveal some of her deepest wounds, she is scared. Which makes sense! If a man approached me, told me he was the Messiah, and started telling me secrets I’d never told anyone, I would be scared out of my mind, wouldn’t you? I can only conclude that in that moment, Photina experienced a peace and a joy in her heart that only comes from an encounter with God Himself.
Last weekend I went to Confession before Mass. It wasn’t until I knelt down in the confessional that I was hit with the gravity of my sins. Like He did with the woman at the well, Jesus showed me the hard truth of where I’d failed Him. But like with Photina, it didn’t end there for me. Jesus forgave me of my sins and I was then able to receive Him fully in the Eucharist. I didn’t have the same feeling of peace and joy in the moment that Photina did, because we can’t always “feel” our encounters with God, and that’s ok. Like with Photina, He gives us what we need in His perfect, though mysterious, timing.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
I am so imperfect. I’ll never be a perfect girlfriend, and in the future I’ll never be a perfect wife or mother. Relationships of any kind hold up a mirror that reveals yourself and your flaws. I think as a relationship becomes more intimate, the more your flaws and your wounds become magnified. Not because your partner is nitpicking you, but because the more you love, the more vulnerable you become. As you peel back more layers on your heart to love more fully, the deep seated wounds are more visible. They become exposed to yourself and to the person you’re in relationship with. And that can be scary. It’s in those wounds and those gashes in the heart that God shines.
My boyfriend loves me so well in those moments, when I’m faced with my brokenness. It’s the kind of love that loves me for exactly who I am and where I’m at. This kind of love is modeled after Jesus’ all encompassing, unconditional love for us. And my boyfriend is wise in knowing that his love doesn’t replace God’s. Matt knows that he can never love me or know me as intimately as God does, and that his love can’t fix me. But because as 1 John 4:8 says, God is there in those moments and in our love for each other. And God is inviting us to bring our wounds and sorrows to Him. And to be honest, I don’t always. I have to be reminded again and again that God is always welcoming me back to Him, ready to love and forgive and be reunited.
Tayler Crabb, @taylercrabb.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from your encounters with Him?
My focus for the last few months has been to just show up, because I know that alone brings Jesus a lot of joy. My favorite way to pray is Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. I find it helpful to set a time frame and try to pray at least 20 minutes a day. It’s also super encouraging to have accountability in prayer, so I’m doing a bible study with a friend where we have daily readings.
Encountering Jesus in prayer reminds me that I’m good and loved and that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. My recent move has brought me a lot of peace after many months of unrest and anxiety, which has been a huge gift from God. It’s a reminder that He’s listening and He cares, even if He doesn’t answer our prayers in the way or at the time we’d want or imagine.
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fills your heart with peace?
Making time for consistent prayer definitely brings me peace and the ability to discern God’s Will in my life and my relationship. I also practice self care by going to therapy, because God wants our mental well being too! In terms of day to day practices, reading, spending time in nature, journaling, or calling a friend is so good for my heart.
I put a lot of pressure on myself in the past because I knew other couples who were moving closer to each other or getting engaged before us, and I often felt like I was being indecisive or discerning wrongly. But as much as I wanted to end long-distance, I knew that I needed a period of rest and healing at home after leaving a difficult job last fall. When I did feel like it was time to move, it required a leap of faith because I didn’t have a job at the time. Looking back, it’s easier to see now than it was then that God’s hand was so clearly guiding me to where I am now, like He does with all of us.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a sister facing the same choices and challenges as you?
One big life change I’ve mentioned is my decision to move to a new city to be closer to my boyfriend after dating long-distance. To a woman who’s making a similar decision, I want to affirm that your timing is between you and God! Trust in Him, and everything will fall into place.
For help in discerning big decisions, I often turn to a quote from St. Augustine, “Love and do what thou wilt.” This doesn’t, of course, mean that we should do whatever we feel like. Rather, it’s encouragement to keep seeking the One who is Love itself. When we are dedicated to spending time with God, diving into the Word, receiving the Sacraments, seeking wise counsel, and taking time to recognize where He is present in our lives, we can trust that our will is aligning with His, and that He will always be there, gently guiding us.
Meet Kelsey
Kelsey lives in Houston Texas where she works as a college admissions counselor. She loves coffee dates with friends, traveling when she can, and learning something new from a podcast while taking her daily walks. You can find her on Instagram @kelseydtx