Women at the Well: Praying, Parenting and Chaplain-ing: Making Space for Big Emotions
Editor’s Note: Women at the Well is an ongoing blog series. Each month, a different woman shares how God is meeting her in her current season of life. Today, we’re excited to have Katie Kruger joining us to talk about her walk with God as a wife, mother, and part-time chaplain.
Tell us a bit about yourself, your vocation, and normal daily routine.
I am a part-time hospital chaplain and full-time mother. I’m also a wife, but with kids ages three and one, with another on the way, and not to mention a husband who works 60+ hour weeks, that role gets downgraded more often than I’d like.
We moved to our home in Duluth, MN in April 2020 - which made for a rough adjustment! The pandemic prevented us from saying proper goodbyes to our Benedictine community in Collegeville and Saint Joseph, MN. I do not recommend trying to make new friends in the middle of a lockdown - 0/10.
Finally, two years in, we are starting to feel connected to the community here and falling in love with all it has to offer. I am very grateful that this move brought us closer to my mom, and even more so that she and my three-year-old have become best friends.
With young children, routines are constantly shifting. When my first child was an infant, my postpartum anxiety was so severe that I could barely bring myself to set aside time to brush my teeth. Getting out the door to mass or Vespers felt impossible most days.
Fortunately, I sought help after baby #2 arrived.
I’m learning to let go of the illusion that my presence at Mass is less holy when I can’t give the celebrant my undivided attention.
I’m learning to breathe deeply and pray hard in the face of a meltdown.
I’m learning to make time for creativity.
Also, I am deeply committed to brushing my teeth for a full two minutes before bed.
If we look closely, we see the hand of God working in our lives. How is Jesus reaching out to you right now, in your current season of life?
I started training as a chaplain (Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE) in summer of 2020, when my oldest was a year and a half. CPE was one of my last requirements for my Master of Divinity degree (to which I’d felt called after a traumatic experience while serving abroad).
Five years ago, when I started the grad program, hospital chaplaincy sounded terrifying. Turns out I was right; it was scary. I found myself in conversation with patients and family members who were having their lives turned upside down. I know a little bit about what that’s like, how terrible and how transformative it can be.
Chaplaincy has become a powerful source of grace in my life and a vehicle for me to give freely as I have been given (cf. Mt 10:8) during my own (ongoing) process of pain and healing.
I am continually blown away by how the skills I am practicing for chaplaincy – grounding, expanding my emotional container, compassionate listening, non-violent communication, radical trust in the Spirit – translate seamlessly into parenting young children with BIG feelings.
What truths about yourself has the Lord been revealing in prayer? How does acknowledging these truths in your heart affect your vocation in life?
Although my parents love me dearly, and have never given me reason to doubt that fact, they were ill-equipped to help my highly sensitive, five-year-old self navigate the confusion of separation and divorce.
I thought I wasn’t supposed to feel sad or mad, and so, when those feelings came up, I looked the other way. This continued well into my twenties.
In prayer, not unlike with my patients and my little ones, my work has been to face those big, hard feelings. As they arise in prayer, I join my experience to Christ’s embodied experiences of frustration, disappointment, grief, and even anger.
My journey into chaplaincy and motherhood is teaching me to welcome the whole spectrum of the human experience and to celebrate the Incarnation on a new and deeper level. As a result of accessing that self-compassion and acceptance, it’s easier to offer it to my kids, my husband, and everyone I meet.
How has encountering Jesus in prayer radically changed your life? What fruits do you see manifested in your day-to-day that flow from your encounters with Him?
Peace. Abundant peace follows me whenever I pay attention to how and where God is at work.
As an introvert, I cherish encountering the Spirit in silence. But I also tune into Christ’s presence in my kids, in my kitchen, and in my neighbors. Recognizing the spirit of Christ in my children is a profound source of joy.
Mary Beth Keenan, @mb_keenan.15
It can often be easy to fall into the trap of discontent in our specific vocations. What has been bringing you peace lately? Do you have any habits, hobbies, or self care practices which fill your heart with peace?
I once took a class where we wrote a “rule” for ourselves (think Rule of St. Benedict). In my rule, I committed to making a retreat twice each year.
Between finances, travel, and childcare, it’s not easy. I’ve had to humble myself (cough, pumping breastmilk in the car, cough cough) and lean hard on my parenting village. And it’s always worthwhile.
I always seem to find solace when I need it or to be shaken out of my comfort zone when that’s what I need most, not to mention the gift of uninterrupted sleep!
On a daily basis, I get emails of the liturgical readings from the USCCB, and I engage in lectio divina on the app “Ritual” whenever I can. My core devotion has always been to the Word.
I’ve also recently picked up embroidery as a hobby (to replace at least some of my evening screen time), and am looking forward to stitching my favorite quotes from Scripture, songs, movies, and books.
What words of encouragement would you like to pass on to a sister facing the same choices and challenges as you?
The vocation of parenting small children is TOUGH. It can be all-consuming. It is exhausting. It tests partnerships and friendships. It regularly brings up past trauma, big and small. I often feel a little lost, wondering what happened to the person I was before I had kids.
Of course, I adore my children; two year olds might even be my favorite people on the planet.
AND I’ve found a lot of relief in vulnerable conversations with women who have moved through this stage, into another stage of life. This stage of parenting littles is just one part of my calling. This, too, shall pass.
Perhaps Teilhard de Chardin put it best, “Above all, trust in the slow work of God.”
Meet Katie Kruger
Katie Kruger is a mom of two, with number three on the way, in Duluth, MN, where she works part time as a hospital chaplain. Katie spent six years in grad school unpacking three years of missionary service in Haiti. She has completed her studies (for now) and holds an MBA and MDiv. When Katie isn’t chasing littles or visiting patients, she loves gardening, dreaming about home improvement, and marveling at the landscape of Lake Superior’s north shore. Her daily practices of engaging with the Word and noticing God in the “ordinary,” as well as a semi-annual retreat practice, help her live today well.