3 Surprising Lessons in Love
As a young mother with three babies, ages three and under, I do not have all the answers, nor do I know what the Lord will put in our path going forward. It has been a wild few years of newborn and toddler stages in my home. I have learned so much about my own weaknesses than I ever thought I would as a mother. I also have experienced moments where I have surprised myself with my strength. Yet, I believe all of these experiences boil down to two important lessons that motherhood has taught me: how to be kinder to myself and the importance of supporting and showing kindness to other mothers.
When I was a brand new mom with my first baby, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect, whether it was our nap and feeding schedule, or how the house looked. In reality, that was impossible. Among sleep deprived nights, feeding issues, and how rapidly babies learn and grow, I learned pretty quickly to just go with the flow. I have had to let go of my picture perfect schedule for naps, feedings, and activities because each child has their own opinions, likes, dislikes, and needs. As I have let go of those things and allowed God to take more control of our daily routine, I have found myself being more gentle with myself. Now, I have three babies: three, two, and almost one year old. We have our routine, but it is fluid and ever changing. Our home is full of chaos, laughter, little feet running around, loud voices, and big messes. Nothing is picture perfect and learning how to manage my babies’ emotions and needs is a learning curve through which I’ve had to be kinder to myself.
On a particularly hard day this summer, all three babies were having meltdowns simultaneously. There were a lot of tears and loud voices. I was exhausted and absolutely clueless on how to handle this situation. I remember sitting on the floor in the middle of all my babies with my head in my hands trying to reset and start over. While I did that, both toddlers were immediately concerned. My son gave me a hug, and my daughter asked if I have a headache. It was such an innocent reaction coming from my children; they only cared that mommy was okay, not realizing that I was absolutely fed up with their big reactions. In that moment, I learned a valuable lesson about being a parent. Children simply see the best in everyone, including their mom who had lost all her patience on that hard afternoon. They still wanted to make sure I was okay, and I realized that all I need to do for them is the same thing. I simply need to give them a hug and ask how they are doing. They want love and attention and to know that they matter. They show that love to me each and every day. In those moments that I have made mistakes, my kids immediately want me to still play with them or give them hugs. They do not hold grudges when I make a mistake, so why should I hold that against myself? I should not hold myself to impossible standards. When I think I have failed because I struggled with my kids’ big feelings, I realized that the only person frustrated with me is myself.
My children do not expect me to know all the answers. They do not expect me to be perfect. They expect me to be present to them, love them, feed them, tuck them in at nap time, make sure they have clean diapers, and ensure that they have a clean and safe space to play. I need to not be so hard on myself. I need to give myself grace and space to mess up, to learn from my mistake, and to be a better mom tomorrow.
Barbie Bauer
Just as my children see the best in me, motherhood has taught me to see the best in others, especially other mothers. Raising children has been one of the biggest blessings yet hardest challenge of my life thus far. I wouldn’t change my life for the world, yet some days are downright hard. I know I am hard on myself to be better when I feel I failed a parenting moment, and in those times I know I do not need another mom judging me in the hard.
When you are a teenager and young adult, you can be prone to gossiping and judging other people. Maybe you don’t even realize you do it, but it happens to the best of us. Things like “I would never do this if I were in her shoes” or “I can’t believe that she chose to handle the situation this way. I would have handled it completely differently.” I know I have been guilty of judging others in my own life. Those thoughts of judging another person can also come easily in the midst of motherhood. Whether it is the screen time or how to handle a toddler meltdown in the park, it can be easy to judge another mom based upon what we see in a short snippet of time.
I have learned in the struggles and trenches of motherhood thus far that it is far better to lift another mama up than to judge their choices. I have loved praising other moms for their decisions and to let them know that even if it is different from the path I choose for my family. If it works for them, that is the best decision they could have made. Motherhood has taught me to be kinder and gentler to people, to not be quick to judge, and to love other moms, because they are also in the trenches trying to survive another day, looking to give their children the best they know how to.
These may sound like simple lessons, but as a new mom they have felt like the biggest gifts to have learned. Sometimes, the simple things are the most important things the Lord wants us to know. I will be forever grateful to my babies for teaching me how to love myself more, to be kinder and gentler to my heart and mind, and for teaching me how to be positive and supportive to other mothers.
Meet Mary Mailloux
Mary Mailloux is a wife and stay at home mom two three babies residing on Long Island. Her role as mother is her most treasured gift from the Lord, and she loves experiencing God's presence through her home and family life. Most days you can find her trying, and failing, to drink her coffee while it is still hot and in a messy bun playing with her kids. In her free time, she loves baking treats for her family & friends, going to Met games with her husband, or curling up with a good book. Mary would love to connect with you! Find her on Instagram @marykatemailloux.